Uh, Yeah, Go Tom




You know what I realized? Tom Arnold is hot. I have known this in my heart for quite a while, but I never really came to that decision until I saw him recently in the movie Big Bully. Him picking on Rick Moranis, w/ Rick weirding out that guy from Nerds (the movie, not N*E*R*D, the music group).. that was just so cool. If I had been Rick, then I would have welcomed the bully to hit me or touch me or whatever.. "Ooh, Tom.. I'm soo scared... please don't hurt me, you big, tough, strong manly lug, you..."

I just looked up some quick facts on Tom using E! Online. Apparently he converted to Judaism, so that's cool. I'm Jewish, too! Also, he is no longer married to Rosanne Barr. Go figure. But, alas, he did get married to someone else--Julie Lynne Champnella. Sigh.., what a lucky woman. I guess. He is like 20 years older than me, so it wouldn't really make for a good relationship anyway.

Tom is just totally cool. He always seems so underrated. He is given small parts, like being in True Lies w/ Arnold Schwarzee. And when he gets his own movie, it is a totally redonkulous flick, like McHale's Navy. And he was cool in Austin Powers, also. But you don't see him on the silver screen or tha' boob tube that much, except for some new celebrity sports thing that's coming up or something. I'd say "oh, poor Tom," but he's probably richer than a mofo. I mean, take Ceelo from Goody Mobb. Anybody heard of him? But his crib on MTV was pretty freagkian phat. Or Downtown Julie Brown. Where has she been in the last 10 years? Thanks again to MTV cribs, I got to learn that she lounges around in her extremely lavish apartment (house? I forget). So I can't really feel sorry for a guy like Tom Arnold, since he's probably doing okay.

The main thing that I like about this guy is his smile. It is somehow really creepy. Totally sexy. I just want to kiss him all over his face (when I say his face, I really mean his face cheeks. But I can't just say his cheeks, because then some idiot always asks "Which cheeks?" Doh!). You know, fun stuff. He also is pretty big. And they made him look really big for Big Bully. Kind of fat, but that didn't bother me one bit, 'cuz it was Tom muzauffin Arnold. So, yeah-r. Priztee cool. He's cute. You'd think I'd like someone bigger like Arnold Schwarzeenheiggereado, but guess what. You'd be wrong. Arnee is just too ugch big, not lovably cute like Thomas A. Prolly off camera, Tom is all like disgusting, but I have no clue, and I choose not to see him that way. Why do they do that? The magic of Hollywood. See, I used to think that Robin Williams was hot, but I think that I don't find him to be altogether that funny, but he keeps getting all these big roles in tons of movies, so I think he's getting all proud and stuff, and that's not cool. Of course, when Weird Al Yankovich gets all proud and high on himself, that's hilarious, because he gave great, really funny interviews on VH1 Behind the Music. So I will love Al forever, but alas I don't find him to be that hot. Cute, sure. But do I wanna make out w/ him? Nah.

Okay, so... I'm liking this Tom guy, in case you didn't realize. And I don't mean Tom Greene. No, TG's definitely not hot. Pretty funny, and his sidekick was quite attractive, so it was fun to watch Tom G bully him. Andy Dick is kind of funny, but neither of them are/were really THAT funny. And yet, I watch their shows anyway, and they are probably rolling in it, much like I will be, when I finally get to meet all my imaginary boyfriends (ie never. btw, I just made another one: Tom (no, not Tom Arnold; some other guy, silly), who works at the checkout counter in Staples, wears a sexy blue button-up, has a wan smile and eyes that are only slightly open. He's kinda pudgy w/ nice, big arms and has some hair on his chest. So, yay for me). Ungh--hotte

Alright, that's enough. And if Tom Arnold ever reads this, then I know he won't worry about me as a stalker because like most of the stuff I write, it's pretty much toungue-in-cheek (hmm, what did you just say?), and he would know that I'm not really trying to get into his pants or 'nothin. Maybe just a little kiss or even a hug, some hand holding, dis ckucking, whatever.. (eocs). Nah, but for real, some day I'm going to find a handsome gay lad roughly my age and with somewhat similar interests, but then YOU (the reader) will no longer be able to fantasize about me getting it on with you. Oh, who am I kidding. Fantasize all you want.

Peace.

love,
soce, the elemental wizard

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Sure, Tom's hot, but in the end, he's just another man who's out of reach.

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